With all the technology available - it is no wonder I am on constant alert. I am always replying to emails at the gas station or while I am making dinner, grocery shopping, s l e e p i n g, etc. As much as one might seem it is a burden - you have done it too. Checking the phone for a n y t h i n g isn't a painful task. I get a sense of satisfaction with being needed. Being requested out of my every day life - to reply to an email, message, text, etc. It is a virtual sensation of being. Of existing.

To be real - it's dependency. It isn't a bad thing to appreciate technology - to use it in every capacity it is available. I just have to remember that in the virtual world of technology - people are not whole. I am not fully present when I am reflecting on my life through social media. Virtually - I am a fraction of my personality, life experiences, thoughts. I only post my exciting moments. My happy times.

I do not post about the chaos. I do not highlight the frantic moment when my son wandered off in Kohls Department store and I could only think the worst thoughts for nearly 8 minutes of heart sinking searching. I don't instagram the moment when I pick at my face or scrutinize every unbearable feature on my body. 

I guess what I am saying is - as much as I do appreciate technology - I love it. I am reminded that beautiful human experience is more than emails, and facebook, instagram, and twitter. There is more to relationships than the happy - there are quiet moments too. Moments I can't post about. You know them, too. Unplugging - and relaxing is hard. It is hard to let everything go - appearances, expectations of others. And focus on myself - self self. 

Relaxing is not something I prioritize. My relaxation is after the kids sack out and I work in the stillness of a little snoring human snuggled at my feet. - Sometimes I even turn on some Norah Jones or Lauren Hill {to really take the edge off} while I shuffle through the images from the latest shoot. Last night my lovely friend Cailin dropped by with a bottle of wine. We sat at the kitchen table and talked for hours - well past the kids bedtime. She brought a little bit of real life into my everyday. A reminder that being on constant alert is different from being present. 

claire2

cailin ^ my sense of being whole and "present" inevitably involves a photograph.